Always in My Heart
by Tauna Petit-Strawn
Summary: After years of wandering Gene yes, in the first season they DID have another brother  comes home to his brothers  Heath/Nick  double wedding and the birth of his nephew  Jarrod's only...is there more to his return than meets the eye?
1. Chapter 1

* I want to thank those who I've chatted with and encouraged me to do this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader to—though all mistakes are still my own.

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**OPENING SCENE**

One person after another boarded the train headed for Stockton. It was getting quite crowded and quite noisy when Gene finally made it to his seat and sat down next to the window. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three of the many letters he'd received from the family since he'd left home-and one invitation. He couldn't believe how much had happened in that time.

Slowly he opened the first letter and read the first few lines of it:

_**Dearest Gene,**_

_I know this is going to be a bit of a shock to you but Jarrod came home today with a new wife. Her name is Elizabeth Walters; a fine upstanding woman he met while in San Francisco; only real adjustment has been working it out so Silas and she both can cook. She just loves cooking._

…

Gene had to chuckle; at least his oldest brother wasn't going to have to worry about starving to death. He opened the second letter and read though it; actually, he looked it over rather quickly. This one brought tears of happiness…and a chuckle.

_**Dearest Gene,**_

_You won't believe it, but Nick is home at last! …Anna Anders…don't worry, there's no relation to Gil Anders; thank goodness! They and others have brought Jack Thatcher to justice. … _

How many tears of gratitude had he shed upon receiving that letter! The thought that Nick might very well perish out at sea was something that had haunted him to no end. The fact that he'd wound up with a girlfriend was something Gene found amusing.

Folding it back up he opened the last letter; it had also shook him up, but at least it had good news at the end.

_**Dearest Gene,**_

…_.Heath was, somehow, thrown from his horse and has been paralyzed from the waist down. He has a good nurse in one Lilly Brackett__**….**_

_Heath is walking now! The brace he had to wear is gone and the steel crutches have been donated to the mission home-they have need of them down there now. …_

The invitations he held open and looked at the longest.

_Nicolas Barkley and Anna Anders wish to invite you to their wedding…_

_Heath Barkley and Lilly Brackett …_

Gene shook his head. He'd left home a mere four years ago. He couldn't believe how much had changed. It was going to be good to see everyone and see that double wedding his brothers had hit the family with. He couldn't help it. He started laughing.

"What's so funny?" a young boy sitting across the aisle from him asked.

Gene smiled, and simply answered, "Let's say I think it's a good thing my mother only has one daughter." He continued chuckling as he turned to face the window. He had been gone too long…he was going home.

**SCENE ONE**

Gene stood on the platform and looked around. At least the train station looked the same but where was his family? It wasn't like them not to have someone to meet family,-or friends-, that were going to arriving on the train.

"Hey, there, little brother!" Gene turned at the sound of Jarrod's voice. He couldn't help but start grinning as he saw Jarrod and the woman he presumed to be Elizabeth walking towards him.

"I see mother forgot to write to me and tell me the news." Gene pointed to his sister in law's very swollen stomach. Jarrod and Elizabeth laughed.

"Blame us," Jarrod answered beaming, "When she sent the wedding invitations out we asked her not to say anything. We figured we'd surprise you when you got here."

It was a surprise alright, but a good one! "You're not going to have that baby during the wedding ceremony, I hope." Gene teased as he followed them to the buggy they'd driven out; the horse he'd be riding was tied to the back of the buggy.

Elizabeth only shrugged her shoulders, "I hope not, but, last time I checked, babies have a way of coming when they want to-not when you say it's convenient."

00000

Gene could hardly believe the noise out in the yard; then again-he could. After all, while the weddings were going to be held at the church, the reception would be at the ranch and that meant work! Maybe that's why Jarrod hadn't stuck around; he and Elizabeth had headed straight for the house.

"Glad you made it home on time," Nick walked up and slapped him on the back, "We'd hate to find another best man. Ready to pull double duty?" He was grinning as he spoke.

Gene shook his head; he could hardly believe how close Nick and Heath had gotten, especially considering the rough start they'd had. "I think so; so, which one is Anna?" he asked as he looked around-even though, from the letters, he figured he could guess.

"Right over there," Nick pointed towards the front door, "She's the one in the riding gear. Come on, I'll introduce you."

The rest of the day Gene enjoyed visiting the family and walking around the ranch. It had changed very little; he was glad of that. He'd seen enough of the world and now only wanted to be with, or near, his family.

From where she stood Victoria could see her youngest standing next to the corral watching the horse it held run around. He never did that. Why was he doing it now? So intent was she on thinking she didn't hear Jarrod walk up beside her.

"Sorry," he apologized as she jumped almost three feet in the air, "I didn't mean to surprise you, mother. Is there something wrong?"

Was there, or had Gene changed that much since he'd been gone? From the letters he'd sent over the past few years she hadn't thought he had. "It's your brother. He's quiet…too quiet and since when did he enjoy being around the corral?" It was Nick who 'owned that spot'; he and Heath that is. Gene and Jarrod were her scholars.

Jarrod saw no reason for alarm. After all; with all the excitement of the upcoming weddings the poor 'lad' was probably just wanting some peace and quiet. "If it helps to put your mind at ease-I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"You do that." Victoria turned around and went back inside leaving Jarrod to watch Gene for a few more minutes. Since he seemed to be enjoying himself; and Jarrod had things to do, he finally went back inside himself.


	2. Chapter 2

* I want to thank Cyn Ann for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own.

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**SCENE TWO**

The church was beginning to fill up. The voices of various family members and friends were almost raising the roof. Nick and Heath were in one of the class rooms getting ready, while their brides were in another. "They really should find the guy that invented these things." Nick growled as he started doing his tie over again.

Heath chuckled as he worked with his own, "Why do you say that?"

"So we could hang him for inventing this damn thing!" Nick barked as he finished getting ready.

Heath let out a small chuckle; no man he knew was downright in love with 'those things. He, himself, could tolerate one better than Nick-when he had to. He had to chuckle even more as Nick couldn't seem to sit still. "You're gonna wear out the carpet before yer even married."

"I think I'm glad Elizabeth and I just eloped." Jarrod watched his brothers in amusement. Gene also chuckled.

"I'll save myself the headache either way," Gene grinned, "I just won't get married." That brought laughter from both grooms while Jarrod simply gave him a small smile. Gene had confessed to him that morning he'd been getting ready to ask a gal to marry him only to have her die in a freak accident before he could. He'd begged Jarrod not to say anything though-he didn't want to spoil his brothers' day.

While the brothers were talking Anna and Lilly were being helped by Victoria and Elizabeth; Audra was busy with the guests. "Let me look at you." Victoria stepped away from Lilly as the young woman turned around. Her hair was done up in a bun on the top of her head and a simple crown of flowers kept the bun company. Her dress, which held small white pearls that formed a v shaped on the top half, and an upside v shape on the lower half, sparkled in the light.

"I feel like a nervous school girl on the first day of class." Lilly was nervous and happy at the same time.

"I don't think I'm much better." Anna laughed as Elizabeth helped her button up her dress then handed her the veil that went with it. After putting the veil into place she too turned around. Her hair too was done up in a bun, but it was set on the back of her head instead of the top. Her veil hung almost to the floor; a lacing forming a u shape covered the top portion of the upper half while the bottom half sported sparkling white beads.

"You both look wonderful…" Victoria started speaking only to be interrupted when Jarrod knocked on the door and entered. He was all smiles as he looked at the brides.

"I'd say Nick and Heath did a pretty good job. You're both very beautiful. And to think, I get to give both brides away." Jarrod rested his hands on his hips as he spoke.

"Just don't get too much pleasure out of it, Counselor," Elizabeth teased as she took a hold of his arm, "or I just might decide to prosecute."

Jarrod's eyebrow raised in amusement as he asked, "Is that a promise?" Before his wife could answer, McCall stuck his head in; the man looked like a duck out of water in suit.

"They're ready." The ranch hand was all grins; this was the best wedding he'd been to yet.

Victoria and Elizabeth left to take their places. Jarrod smiled as each bride took hold of one of his arms. When the music started playing they made their way out of the room, down the hall and up the aisle.

Nick and Heath stood on each side of the preacher while Gene stood next to Nick. Neither groom could take his eyes of his bride. _'To think I was so bent on getting home I almost didn't stop at your house, girl.' _Nick didn't even like to think on how close he'd come to riding right past her place.

Heath couldn't help but sport one of his rare huge grins as Lilly took her place beside him. '_Never thought I'd be grateful for being thrown from my horse and being injured as bad as I was.' _Even when the preacher began he couldn't take his eyes off of his bride. Nick wasn't any better; and better yet…no baby arrived to interrupt the ceremony.

**SCENE THREE**

Gene was sure all the laughter and chatter outside could be heard from one side of the ranch to the other. Nick and Anna stood next to Heath and Lilly meeting guests and shaking hands. He stood in line as long as he could take it then quietly excused himself. Making his way through the crowd that had gathered he managed to slip down to the corral.

He was leaning against the fence when Jarrod walked up. "Want to talk about it?" He rested his arms against the fence.

Gene shrugged his shoulders and gave Jarrod a sad smile. Out of the three brothers Jarrod was the one who best understood him; knew him well. After all; while Nick had been outside 'learning the ropes' it had been Jarrod who had helped Gene with the books. There had been more than one day his older brother had sat down with him and helped him with his studies. "I was thinkin' 'bout Sarah, but don't worry I'll be fine."

Jarrod sighed. He knew the pain of losing someone you loved all too well. "What was she like? This Sarah of yours." He kept his eyes on his baby brother as Gene tilted his head to one side and started grinning.

"Physically? She was 'bout five feet five inches; her hair was auburn and, when it wasn't done up in a bun, it hung to her waist. Her eyes were hazel. She loved to teach," Gene sighed, "she was a great teacher and loved the students she worked with. She never would have…" he quit speaking

As much as Jarrod wanted to know what his brother had been going to say he didn't push the subject. After all if he pushed too hard 'the lad' might just shut down and never open up all the way. "Come on," Jarrod prodded, "Let's get back to the reception before mother comes hunting us."

Gene chuckled, "Yea, guess I'd better. Last thing we need is mother going off on us."

0000

By the time Nick and Anna got to their new home (they'd built within a couple of miles of the main house) it was getting dark. Nick hopped down from the buggy and then helped Anna down. "Welcome to your new home, Mrs. Barkley." He opened the door then scooped her up in his arms before stepping inside.

"I keep on feeling like I'm in a dream and I'm don't want it to end," Anna ran her fingers up and through his hair, "I can still remember you riding up to my house. Truth be known, I think I fell in love right then and now. Maybe that's why I offered you John's clothes and pulled you into help with Thatcher. Figured I could not only get Thatcher but I'd have time to get to know you better." Her eyes laughed as she spoke.

Nick smiled as he answered, "Truth be told I didn't take off the next morning because I wanted to get to know you too-after all if you were a weakling you'd never have survived out there."

"I wish the day could last forever." she whispered as she kept her eyes on his and let her fingers slide down the side of his face and onto his lips. Nick could hear his heart pounding and the need to get to know her even better rising. Wasting no time he headed for the bedroom, "It's not over yet."

00000

Lilly laughed as Heath struggled to get the bedroom door open. "It might be easier if ya'd put me down."

"Uh-uh," Heath smiled as he finally manage to get the thing open, "I ain't putting ya down quite yet." He kicked the door shut once they were inside.

As Lilly looked at Heath she couldn't help but let some tears fall. "Hey," Heath instantly grew alarmed, "What's wrong? I'm not gonna hurt you." He hated the idea she might be that afraid of what he'd be doing to her.

She started smiling from ear to ear, "Nothin's wrong; it's just that," more tears ran down her face as she rested the palm of her hand on his cheek, "it's just that you are carryin' me and walking! I know ya've been walkin' without havin' to use anythin' to do it for a while now. I jist…" she smiled through her tears, "I'm jist so happy is all."

Heath gave her a lopsided grin, 'I'll never understand women cryin' over everythin'' he thought but wisely kept his mouth shut on the subject. Only when they were beside the bed did he set her on her feet. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry." He started unbuttoning her dress.

Lilly knew full well what he meant, but she figured she might as well have a bit of fun with him before either one of them had their fill. She started to pull away and said, "If you're hungry the food's downstairs."

Heath shook his head and chuckled, "Uh-uh," he pulled her back to him and finished unbuttoning her dress, "I'm having my meal right here, right now." He laid her down on the bed and started kissing her as his hands went to wandering.

By the time the moonlight sent in its light to say hello Lilly was curled up next to Heath and resting in the crook of his arm. "Mama never said it would be like that." She ran her fingers through the hairs on Heath's chest.

He pulled her as close as he could and smiled, "I'll take it you weren't disappointed."

"Uh-uh," she rested her hand on his shoulder, "No way." Lying in peaceful quiet they were both soon fast asleep.

0000

Gene was standing by the living room window gazing out when his mother walked in. "I talked to Jarrod," she stood alongside her youngest son, "Why didn't you tell us?"

He shook his head; "As I told Jarrod-why rain on their day?" he turned away from the window, "Besides, I didn't come home just because she died on me. I came home for many reasons. I've seen enough of the world. I want to settle down right here; either on the ranch or, at least, in Stockton. Who knows, maybe I'll even try my hand at roping one of those steers Nick likes to brag about." He laughed at the thought.

Victoria couldn't help but laugh herself, "Now that's a sight I'd love to see!"

Jarrod, who had walked out of the den and headed for the living room, had stopped and listened to the entire conversation. He quietly turned and walked away deep in thought.


	3. Chapter 3

* I want to thank Cyn Ann for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own.

"**My Happy Home" (January 1844)**

**Ballad**

**Written and Composed by John Blockley.**

**[Pages 10-11]**

**Vol. III, January 1844.-A***

**[Source: 011/021nLevy] (Any songs used are all in Public Domain. For the sake of the story credit is given to Gene though).**

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**SCENE FOUR**

Elizabeth and Audra sat in the front room talking. They'd been talking a good portion of the morning. "He'll be fine, Audra." Elizabeth tried in vain to get comfortable as she tried to convince Audra not to worry about the youngest Barkley son, "From what mother said he only lost this Sarah within the past six months. All he needs is time."

"I still say we should hold some kind of party; make it a welcome home party. He's just flat out too quiet." Audra shook her head slightly.

Elizabeth tried to think of how to convince her sister in law that holding any kind of party was not necessary; since Gene had continually slipped away from the reception she didn't see why he wouldn't do the same thing at any other kind of party. Before she could though, the pains hit. "Forget the blasted party and get Jarrod…and Dr. Merar!" she gasped grabbing her stomach and sending Audra flying through the house.

0000

Jarrod paced back and forth; Audra sat on the couch and Gene sat on a chair while Nick-who had come by to talk to Jarrod about some business matters-stood near the fireplace. "Wearing the carpet out ain't gonna help that baby of yours get here any faster." Nick hoped he wouldn't be this bad whenever he and Anna were blessed with a child; though, somehow, he knew he would be.

"No, but it will keep me from running up those stairs." Jarrod laughed.

Gene, who had been silent, looked at Nick, "You still taking that one herd up to the northern pasture?"

Nick's eyebrows turned down. Why was this brother asking that? Better yet, why was he even thinking about it at a time like this? "Sooner or later, why?"

'_You need to get outside those books of yours," Thomas Barkley had walked into the den to find Gene, once again, reading another book, "Even Jarrod knows how to get out and mingle with people." _He chuckled softly; he'd never been able to put a good book down. He looked at Nick, "I'd like to help you take them is all."

Nick's eyes widened in surprise. What on earth was going on? Before he had time to say yea or nay though, Victoria came hurrying into the room. She was beaming as she told Jarrod, "You have a son! A very fine, healthy baby boy!"

"Way to go, brother!" Nick let out a holler; as did Gene, only his holler was ten times quieter than Nick's. Jarrod headed for the stairs.

As Nick started to leave the room Gene stopped him, "Nick, I may be more on the book side of life, but I'm still a Barkley and I can still help you with those cattle."

Nick shook his head and grinned. He didn't need his own brother reminding him of their relationship; still, "You are full of surprises, ain't ya? Alright; we leave in two days. When we do I won't stop you from coming." '_Even if it does feel as strange as all get out!'_

**SCENE FIVE**

"He's so tiny and so adorable." Audra held her nephew in her arms, "I hope when I get married and have children they'll be this cute."

Victoria and Elizabeth both started grinning. Victoria assured her, "All babies are cute to their mothers; believe me." Scenes from each of her children's births flashed in front of Victoria's eyes.

"Does the privilege of holding the baby belong only to the women in this house?" Heath teased as he insisted on taking his turn with the child. Jarrod stood behind his wife all grins.

"I guess I should give Thomas back to his mother." Heath gave his nephew one last gentle hug and handed him back to Elizabeth, "Nick and Gene are probably bitin' at the bit to get goin'." His brothers had already left the room had headed outside.

A slight frown crossed Victoria's face. She was not sure how she felt about the idea of Gene helping Nick and Heath with the cattle. Oh, sure, he'd helped out more than once while growing up but it was because Tom had insisted that every one of his sons at least help out, not because he'd ever enjoyed it or wanted it himself. She quickly put the frown away though; she was sure it was just her son's way of working through his loss. "Get going then. You know how Nick gets when he's kept waiting."

Heath's crooked smile appeared on his face as he stood up, "Yea, I do. See you all later."

"I best get this child to bed." Elizabeth stood up and headed for the stairs. Victoria and Audra too excused themselves leaving Jarrod in one very quiet room. Slowly he walked turned around and went outside himself. From where he stood he could see his brothers mounting their horses and heading out. Reaching into his pocket Jarrod pulled out a small piece of paper he'd found near Gene's room. The handwriting was that of his brother. He read the words once more.

_I have wander'd over mountain, _

_I have wander'd over plain, _

_And I come upon more gladness, _

_To my happy home again _

_I see once more the village church, _

_Where oh my feet would stray. _

_Ye list that sweet and merry children, _

_close of summer's day. _

_Those sounds which charm'd my early days, _

_I never could forget; _

_And oh I've dream'd when far away, _

_I heard their music yet. _

_I have wander'd over mountain, _

_I have wander'd over plain, _

_And I come once more with gladness, _

_To my happy home again, _

_To my happy home again._

_I think of all those happy days_

_Pass'd in my early home,_

_When not a cloud came o'er my brow,_

_Or thought of time to come;_

_I think of all my youthful sports,_

_My playmates gay and free._

_Methinks I hear their joyous laugh_

_Beneath the old oak tree;_

_And now once more I see the halls_

_Of childhood's happy home;_

_Now, like the dove, an ark I've found,_

_My steps no more shall roam_.

Jarrod's eyes went from the words on the paper to the sight of his brothers disappearing off in the horizon. He watched as they disappeared out of sight then looked at the paper again. He'd meant to ask Gene about it earlier, but then the baby had come and it had been all but forgotten. He found himself wondering, _'Great song, brother, only since when did you write songs_?"


	4. Chapter 4

* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own.

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**SCENE SIX**

The sun had sent down its heat unmercifully most of the day as the men drove the cattle towards the northern pasture. Gene rode up alongside Nick just as Heath went after a cow that was doing its best to wander away from the other cattle. Nick couldn't help but notice how tired Gene looked and said as much adding, "Maybe you should have stayed home. After all; you're not used to this line of work-even if you are a Barkley."

Gene only laughed, "I wouldn't worry about me. A body's gonna get tired doing things that are 'out of their comfort zone'. Kind of like Jarrod the first time father insisted on taking our dear brother out on a cattle drive. I still remember how he looked when he came into the house."

Nick bust up laughing. That had been a sight to behold. Jarrod, so used to his studies and mental work, walking in looking stiffer than any board ever thought of being. He'd looked like that for hours on end. "True enough; still, I think it best if you give it a second thought before going amd doing this again."

'_You're not trying that again are you?' Jarrod stood in the kitchen watching as Gene took one item after another off the shelves, looked at one of his science books and then began measuring one thing after another into a mixing bowl._

"_Why not? How am I going to prove anything if I don't give it a shot?" Eugene turned his head and looked at his oldest brother, "besides, nothing bad is going to happen if it doesn't work. It's not like I'm eating the stuff." The grin on his face looked so ridiculous (he'd made it that way on purpose )and got both of them howling with laughter._

Gene leaned forward in his saddle and tilted his head to one side then, after a mere two seconds, said, "I thought about it. When's the next drive?" he winked at Nick then rode off towards Heath. Nick started chuckling and shook his head.

Heath threw some more wood on the fire as he and Nick sat next to the campfire, Gene lay on the ground under his blanket. Thinking his brother was asleep, Heath turned to Nick, "He did great out there, I just hope he didn't overdo it. It's not like he does this every day."

"He's a Barkley," Nick chuckled still remembering Gene's comment about Jarrod and the memory it had brought back to him, "He just needs to get used to something besides sitting behind a desk or doing those experiments of his."

Before Heath could say anything Gene piped up, "I'd listen to big brother, Heath. It ain't wise to argue with him." Both Nick and Heath turned their heads with surprise on their faces. Before either could say a word he, as if reading their thoughts, added, "Yea, I said ain't…just don't tell mother." That sent fits of laughter through both of his brothers.

**SCENE SEVEN**

Gene walked up and down the streets of Stockton. It was the first time since arriving home that he'd taken time to do so. As he came to one of the smaller shops he stopped and looked inside the window. A young girl was looking at one of the dolls; she had auburn hair.

'_Look at this!' Sarah held up a doll she was looking to buy for her little cousin, 'Think she'll like this one?'_

"_That gal would like any doll. It wouldn't matter if it was missing half its hair and an eye!' Gene had laughed as Sarah put the doll in front of her face and started talking for the doll-in an overdone theatrical voice. In fact, he'd almost hurt his sides laughing._

_Then another more serious conversation came to mind. "He shouldn't have done it! He should have said something!' She'd been talking about her grandfather and a decision he'd made._

_He tried to comfort her, but 'had made the mistake of agreeing with the old man'. That's why she'd been up on that blasted mountain in the first place! She'd flown into a rage, threw out one thing after another at him then ran off and up into 'that place'. _When he felt a tap on his shoulder he jumped three feet in the air.

"Amanda!" Gene was taken aback when, after getting his heart back in place, he turned to see Sarah's good friend standing next to him. He almost didn't recognize her what with her new glasses and the dress she was wearing; she'd always dressed more like Calamity Jane than anything else. "What are you doing here?" She was supposed to be over in England going to school!

She shrugged her shoulders, "You forgot this." She handed him the locket he'd given to Sarah on her twenty-first birthday. "You didn't leave school and travel all the way from England to give me this," he held up the chain, "What's going on?"

Amanda shook her head and admitted, "You. I believe you lost something." She held up a very small brown book, "When I found you'd left Minnesota I figured you'd come home."

He practically ripped the book he'd believed lost from her hands, "Did you read it?" he asked with a bit of harshness in his voice. It did not; however, faze her.

"Only the part it was opened to and, no," she smiled kindly, "I haven't said a word to anyone nor do I plan on it. Do you want to talk?"

For a moment he hesitated, then nodded; might as well, she already knew the truth, "If you'll promise to keep your mouth shut no matter what that is."

Amanda smiled as they started walking, "Sarah would never forgive me if I did."

From where they stood Jarrod and Heath watched as Gene put the item he held inside the pocket inside his jacket then walked off talking to the stranger. "I wonder who she is." Heath smiled as he watched them disappear.

While Jarrod wondered too he wondered more about the small book she'd handed his brother and the look on his face. He was becoming more and more certain there was something that Gene was hiding from them.


	5. Chapter 5

* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own.

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**SCENE EIGHT**

The wind was beginning to pick up its speed as Jarrod rode up to the Barlow place; he had papers for the elderly Mr. Barlow. He was surprised to see the young woman Gene had been talking to in town sweeping the front porch. Once he'd stopped his horse in front of the porch Amanda stopped sweeping, "May I help you, sir?"

It was all Jarrod could do not to start demanding some answers. As it was he smiled politely and said, "My name is Jarrod Barkley. I need to talk to Mister Barlow and then, if I may, I would like to talk to you also."

Gene's oldest brother, the lawyer! Amanda stiffened then slowly put the broom against the outside wall, "Come on in, I'll get my great uncle."

Great uncle? Guess he knew what she was doing there. Dismounting his horse, and tying it to the hitching post out front, Jarrod walked up the stairs and through the open door. The elderly Mr. Barlow was just coming into the front room.

"I didn't expect to see you out here today." Mr. Barlow smiled and shook Jarrod's hand.

Jarrod smiled, "I figured you'd want these papers as soon as possible and, since I was out and about anyway, I decided to bring them to you. You can look them over and get back with me later. Is there a chance I can talk to your great niece also? I have a few questions for her." That was the main reason for his ride anyway…hoping to find the young lady as he'd been unsuccessful in doing so while in town.

Mr. Barlow's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Why? What has she done?" Knowing she'd been quite a handful at one time he feared that maybe, just maybe, she'd gone back to her old ways. Then again, she wasn't dressing like it.

"Nothing," Jarrod smiled '_but she knows something I'm sure of it'_ he thought before continuing, "I was just hoping she could answer a few questions I have."

Still unsure what to think of his request, the old man turned and went into the kitchen where he'd last seen his great niece. She wasn't there. He looked in both the second bedroom and the wash room. "Sorry, Mr. Barkley," Mr. Barlow walked back into the front room, "It seems like she must have left the house through my back door. She's not here anymore."

That pushed Jarrod's curiosity level from one to ten in a split second, "That's alright, I'll catch her later." He picked up the hat he'd laid on the table and walked out the door.

**SCENE NINE**

Gene was lying almost totally immersed in the small creek; he was hot and the cold water felt good. He about jumped out of his skin when Amanda walked up and said, "Good thing you don't believe in skinny dipping." Okay, he probably did, but at least she was glad he wasn't doing it this time.

"Da..." he bit his tongue and started over, "You could at least give a body a warning!" He rolled around onto his stomach and leaned up on his arms.

Amanda sat down as close to the creek as she could-without getting wet- "How was I to know you were down here? Your brother was at my Great Uncle Peter's awhile ago," she answered as she kept her eyes on the opposite shore. If she'd taken the time she'd have seen the concern that appeared in his eyes.

"What did he want?" Gene asked after a few moments of silence.

"Had some legal papers to give to him as far as I could tell; probably that old will he keeps on saying he needs to make up, but," she turned her head and looked at Gene, "He wanted to talk to me too only I took off as soon as I got my uncle for him. How come I get the feeling you haven't told your family a thing?"

Pointing to the bushes that were set not too far from where he was he shook his head, "Please, get my pants and shirt for me."

Her eyes began dancing, "If you're lucky." She was retrieving the pants before he could say or do anything. Laying them within reach she then walked away and kept her back turned. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, but soon enough he was beside her.

"So?" She looked at him.

"So what?" He turned and looked at her as if to say 'What do you want me to say?'

"Your family," her eyebrows went up in disbelief, "what have you told them?"

"Nothing I didn't have to." He began walking away from the creek. He didn't want to fight with her or anyone else for that matter.

"Listen to me, Eugene Barkley!" Amanda was furious at the spot she found herself in and she did not try to hide it either, "I promised to say nothing to anybody because I figured you'd talked to your own kin! Are you going to stand there and tell me you expect me to keep my mouth shut around them too?"

Gene stopped abruptly in his tracks and stood for what felt like a good five minutes; in all reality it was probably less than two, before he turned and started speaking, "You didn't agree with Sarah's grandfather, but you refused to speak badly against him. You said his decisions were his own to make. Does that philosophy apply only to those who are over a certain age or what?" Before she could answer he'd mounted his horse and ridden away.

Frustrated and angry she went back to the creek and began throwing rocks and tiny pebbles into it. It was the only thing she could think to do; well, the only thing that wouldn't do anybody any physical damage that is.


	6. Chapter 6

* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own.

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER SIX**

**SCENE TEN**

Gene stood next to the corral looking at one of the horses that had been brought in just a few hours before. He'd watched Nick breaking in another one earlier. He'd try his hand at it only that was one thing he'd never had any sort of interest in.

"Here." Audra walked up and handed him a glass of lemonade.

"Kind of late in the day to be drinking lemonade." Gene grinned as he took the glass from his sister anyway, only to find it flying out as he started coughing as he began drinking it.

Concern flashed over Audra's face, "Are you alright?"

"Yea," Gene coughed a couple more times and added, "I hate it when that happens. I must have been drinking it down faster than I thought."

She smiled, "Well, slow down and enjoy it. I don't care what time of day it is."

Gene only nodded and turned his attention to the horse. His mind wandered back to the creek and to Amanda. He felt as if he was between a rock and hard place. It_ wasn't_ fair to Amanda to ask her to keep quiet; still…

'_So what brings you to Minnesota; besides my granddaughter?" Sarah's grandfather had shaken his hand with vigor after Sarah had introduced him to the old man. _

"_To be honest? I have a job offer I'm considering and I wanted to check the state out first." _He'd fallen in love with the place and was working within the month. Two months later he'd decided to ask Sarah to marry him only to have her grandfather die. Because he'd sided with the man's last decision, Sarah ran off and went up into the mountains with a friend 'to talk and think'. She'd stepped on a loose rock though and fallen to her death. Then the fateful trip to…

"Gene?" Audra waved her hand in front of his eyes, "You in there?"

"Oh, sorry," he stepped away from the corral, "My mind was wandering."

His sister looked at him with worry on her face. He seemed to be more and more occupied with his thoughts. Just that morning Jarrod had finally voiced his concerns and asked everyone to keep their eyes and ears open, but he'd also stressed the point that he feared if they pushed Eugene he'd never open up to any of them.

"If there's anything bothering you, I'd be more than happy to listen,-" she figured she could at least make the offer, as long as she didn't press the issue.

"Thanks, but no," he turned away from the corral, "I think I'll just retire to my bed for the night." Hours later he woke up and sat straight up. He was shaking and perspiring profusely.

**SCENE SEVEN**

Jarrod was sitting behind his desk in his Stockton office when his aide came to the door. "There's an Amanda Hunter here to see you. Should I let her in or just have her make an appointment to see you?"

Jarrod quickly put his pencil down. He'd been trying, unsuccessfully, to track the young woman down. "Let her come in!" As soon as Amanda stepped into the room he stood up.

"May I help you?" he walked around the corner of his desk and pulled out a chair for her. He couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the young woman; she looked as nervous as a jackrabbit cornered by its enemy.

She'd never been one to beat around the bush and she didn't see any reason to start now. "I hear you've been looking for me." she answered quite bluntly as she sat down on the offered chair.

Walking back around his desk Jarrod sat down and leaned forward, "Yes, I have. You are one very hard young lady to catch up with though." He pointed his finger at her and smiled from ear to ear. He didn't want to scare the young woman off.

For a few moments there was an awkward silence between the two of them. Finally Amanda broke the silence, "It's about your brother isn't it? You want to talk to me about him." She kept her eyes on his. She figured if she didn't she'd run.

Slowly Jarrod sat back in his chair, "I do at that. I was hoping you'd tell us what's up with Gene."

Not knowing what he'd seen she looked puzzled, "Why ask me? Why not talk to Gene?"

Jarrod shook his head as he thought on the many conversations he'd had, or tried to have, with his younger brother. The man was flat out refusing to open up. "Believe me I've tried." He went on to explain where he'd been when she and Gene were talking outside the store, "What's in that book? What's bothering him? We're his family. He should know by now he can come to us and he's not. It's upsetting all of us."

Amanda closed her eyes and silently threw a rage against Gene's persistent stubbornness. Sure, most of the time it was a good thing; it had helped him get ahead in many areas in his life. Still, there was a time and a place to give it up and open up. She wanted to tell the Barkleys everything, but how could she do that _and _keep her promise to her friend?

Slowly she opened her eyes as an idea came to her. She looked Jarrod in the eyes, "I know this is going to sound like I'm changing subjects only I promise, I'm not. There's a community social tomorrow night. Are you and your family going to be there?"

Jarrod shook his head, "We have family coming in tomorrow and we were going to entertain them at our house, due to my great aunt's health. However," he leaned forward, "If you promise me I'll get some answers I'll make it a point to be there."

Amanda smiled, "Be there from six to seven o'clock with your ears wide open. You'll get your answer then." She stood up and left leaving Jarrod to wonder what was coming.


	7. Chapter 7

* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own. (You'll recognize a very small portion of the conversation between Amanda and Gene actually comes from "Night of the Wolf") Any songs I use in this story I got off a site that has songs that are in PUBLIC DOMAIN-Gene just gets credit for the ones used for the sake of the story.

**Always in My Heart**

CHAPTER SEVEN

SCENE TWELVE

Gene was just about to mount his horse when he saw her. Amanda was riding towards the ranch. What the blazes did she want? "I'll be right with you, Nick." Gene jumped on his horse and rode through the open gate and met Amanda a good fifty feet from the fence line.

"What are you doing here?" he stopped his horse and glared at her. She did not budge an inch.

"You're either going to listen to what I have to say or I'm waltzing right past you and talking to your family right now!" She had been up most of the night thinking and was in no mood for games.

Gene stared at the look of defiance that was on her face; one he knew well. "What is it and make it quick. Nick and I are going back up the northern pasture."

She took a deep breath, "That old man was wrong and I was wrong not to tell him so; when I found out that is. You've got no right to do the same thing to your family! People think you're acting 'out of character' because Sarah died; not that a portion of you isn't grieving. I'm sure you are. If they knew she was up in the mountains after the fight the two of you had they'd probably say guilt was a part of it too. Only, thanks to those pages in that book, we both know different." She took another breath and continued on; as she was afraid if she stopped he wouldn't let her continue. "You might as well know I saw your brother, Jarrod, yesterday," she held up her hand when a look of suspicion came onto Gene's face, "I didn't talk to him about 'it'; however," she leaned forward in her saddle, "Something he said stuck in my head. I spent most of the night trying to remember where I'd heard something along the same lines. I finally did…about five o'clock this morning. Do you want to know what I recalled?"

Gene wasn't sure he wanted to, but figured he wasn't going to get her to leave until he let her have her piece. "What?"

"The day Sarah, you and I went to the post office and you'd gotten a letter from Heath. I know you got many from every member of your family only you actually read this one to us." Amanda quit talking and looked at Gene to see if he was remembering that day or not. For a second it didn't look like he did but then he stiffened and sat up straighter than she'd ever seen him. "You do remember. Tell me the part that, at the time, we** all** agreed with. Say the words then I'll ride away from here." '_Not that I'm missing that social. I only promised not to talk to them about it. I never said anything 'bout not giving any of them any message though any songs'_. She added to herself.

Gene's shoulders slumped slightly, "Heath said that Jarrod told him, '**Whatever trouble he's in, his family has the right to share it with him; that it's our duty to help him if we can, and it's his duty to let us, and he doesn't have the privilege to change that. Do you understand? Tell him to come on home. Tell him Pappy said so'."  
**  
Amanda leaned even further forward in her saddle and barked softly, "Jarrod _was_ _right._ They _are_ your family. They _do_ have the right to share in your troubles and it _is_ your duty to let them! If, for whatever reason, you don't want to face your 'pappy' with the truth, then so help me, talk to Heath or Nick at least!" She spun her horse around and rode off.

"What was that all about?" Nick rode up beside Gene greatly alarmed by what seemed to be one royal chewing out.

'**Whatever trouble…Tell him Pappy said so'**. He looked at Nick- , Jarrod wasn't home, but Nick was. Gene shook his head and asked, "How fast a ride do we need to take to the northern pasture?"

**SCENE THIRTEEN  
**  
By the time Jarrod drove the buggy in through the gate the sun had set. He'd left home early in the morning and was just now getting home. He hadn't expected to see anyone out only, to his surprise, Nick and Heath were both leaning against the corral fence. Jarrod climbed down from the buggy and walked over to where his brothers stood. When they turned to look to see who had come up beside them Jarrod could tell both men had been crying. Nick then turned his face back and continued staring off into space.

"You know?" Jarrod's own eyes were still red from the many tears he'd shed, once he'd gotten away from the social that is. He'd driven the buggy home slower than he'd ever driven it. He was still in shock over the fact that Miss Hunter had stood up, changed songs on the pianist and then sung the song she had. It had him so shaken up he had to hurry and get away from everyone so the tears could fall.

Heath sighed, and shook his head, "This afternoon, after that gal came by and chewed him out for not telling us the truth from the beginning. He told Nick as they rode to the north pasture. Why didn't he tell us? Why keep something like that from us?" He didn't know whether or not to be angry with his brother or not.

Jarrod turned around and leaned against the fence, "It's not that hard to figure out. Think about it. He knew what a ride we've had these past few years. I mean, first Nick here is shanghaied and we go through hell not knowing whether or not we'll ever see him again. Then he comes back and we go through hell again getting Thatcher. After that settles down you have that accident and have to go through months of therapy to walk again. Two weddings and the birth of a baby have felt like heaven, we've all said as much on more than one occasion, _and in front_ of Gene. My guess it was two things. One, he didn't want to be the one to 'ruin it' and, two," he shrugged his shoulders, "He probably didn't want us hovering over him. He would mostly likely feel like a caged bird."

Nick shook his head, "He still should have told us." He put his face in his hands and let the tears fall again.

Fighting his own tears Jarrod asked, "Has he told the rest of the family?"

"No," Nick uncovered his face, "He was so tired when we got back I told him just to go to bed. I told him I'd deal with it only…" he turned his head; Jarrod could see the torment his brother was feeling in his eyes. Truth be told, Nick could probably see the same thing in his, "How am I supposed to tell Mother? How am I supposed … tell her …" he voice cracked pain shooting through every inch of his heart, "How do I tell her… our brother is …dying?"

Jarrod felt as if every nerve of his body was on edge, still, he was 'Pappy', had been for many years, "I'll handle it," He stepped away from the fence and headed for the house, "You two stay out here and pull yourselves together. Gene needs us now more than ever."


	8. Chapter 8

**Always in My Heart**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**SCENE FOURTEEN**

Gene stood watching Amanda, his sister and sister in laws play a game of Croquet. He turned his head as he felt his mother approaching. "I don't think they believe in quitting." he nodded towards the ongoing game.

Victoria smiled and chuckled, "Quitting is not in the Barkley dictionary." For a moment silence fell between them until Gene broke the silence.

"I lay awake most of last night thinking," he sighed and shook head, "I'm sorry. I should have been upfront with all of you from the beginning only," he shrugged his shoulders, "everything and everyone was in such a festive mood when I got here I didn't have the heart to spoil things and then," he sighed again, "I got to thinking about all the things I missed out on because I had my head stuck in a book. I was afraid if my condition was known everyone would fight me to keep me doing them. Considering the family I've been blessed with, doesn't really make any sense."

Victoria looked at her son; sympathy and understanding shown in her eyes, "Oftentimes our fears may not make sense; only," she turned up the palms of her hands, "They are very still very real. I'm just glad you didn't go away. I overheard you tell your brothers you had thought about it."

Gene nodded, but answered, "I couldn't do it. Guess, while I wasn't really thinking about it that letter of Heath's must have dug itself deep into my mind."

"I'm glad it did," his mother gave him a small smile as she took a hold of his arm, "I just hate the idea of you dying among strangers." Her voice caught on the last few words.

Gene pulled his arm out of her grasp and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "Guess, deep down inside," he looked from her to Audra and the others, "So did I."

0000

Heath was fixing a horseshoe when Gene opened the door and walked in. Looking up Heath grew instantly concerned; his brother looked so solemn. "What's wrong?" Heath put down the horseshoe and hammer down.

"Nothing really," Gene sat down on a crate and looked at Heath, who had pulled another crate over and sat on it, and smiled, "Just remembering the day they put up that statue in father's honor but you and mother missed it because she was talking to Hannah and everything. " Heath said nothing as Gene paused then continued, "It really _was_ great to see you wearing father's boots. I want you to know that. I want you to know I'm glad you came here and into our lives. I've never been ashamed to call you brother." He did too. He did not wish to pass on without this brother knowing how he felt.

Heath fought to control his emotions as he nodded slowly and gave Gene a small lopsided grin, "I've never been ashamed to call you brother either." The horseshoe lay unattended as the two brothers talked, uninterrupted for a solid hour. Only when Audra came looking for them, as lunch was ready, did the private conversation end.

**SCENE FIFTEEN**

Nick was breaking in a horse when Gene walked slowly up to the corral fence. The man had to smile as he looked at his older brother. The man knew horses and knew how to handle them that was for sure. '_Why are you so eager to spend so much time with Nick…_' the question Audra had asked him before his true condition had come out rang through his mind.

He thought on all the years he'd spent getting to know Jarrod inside and out; kind of hard not to do that when the man was always the one helping him with his studies, along with everything else. He realized the moment he'd stepped back onto the ranch how badly he wanted to get to really know this hot-tempered, bull headed and one very unique brother of his. He'd determined then to lay aside his books and do just that; get to know him.

_'You're not getting back on that thing are you?' twelve year old Gene asked as he watched Nick, who'd been thrown for the horse he'd been breaking in, "He'll kill you!"_  
Gene smiled at the memory. That thing had learned too…it had not succeeded in throwing his brother again.

"Naw," Nick had simply brushed some dirt off of his pants and headed back towards the horse, "Ain't the first time I've been thrown off a horse and it won't be the last. However, that thing will learn whose boss 'round here!'

"Hey, you in there?" Nick teased Gene as he walked up to the fence. While his words were teasing his younger brother, his eyes showed his concern.

Gene smiled and answered, "No, I've checked out and gone on vacation." That only served to crack them both up and their laughter rang through air.

When Nick stopped laughing he scratched the back of his neck and asked, "We're going to be rounding up the cattle again, gotta move them the winter pasture. I know you were talkin' 'bout wanting to help before but," he looked Gene over, "Are you sure you're really up to it?" The fact that his brother was not walking as fast as he'd once did had not passed anyone up.

A faraway look came into Gene's eyes. A part of him told him he should stay behind; the other half beat it to the front of the line. "Doesn't matter if I'm up to it or not. I'd like to at least spend one day out there with you. If it kills me so be it. It's not like I'm doing anything else anyway."

At that moment Nick wanted to go find something, anything, to hit. Life was so unfair at times. The more he thought on it the more another memory ran across the front of his eyes and he just had to start laughing.

"What's so funny?" Gene asked as he looked at Nick as if the man had just gone and lost it.

"You are," Nick grinned, "I remember when you were only five and were learning to add. You showed just how smart of a whip you really were. Jarrod asked you what 2 plus 2 was. I don't suppose you remember your answer?"

Gene racked his brain. He did, very vaguely, remember one of his brothers asking him such a question only, for the life of him, he couldn't remember the answer. "Guess I don't. What did I say?"

Still grinning Nick answered, "You said it added up to five because nothing came out even. I think you said that because you'd lost out on doing something. I can't remember what though."

The next few hours found Gene wandering around the yard enjoying the day with Nick, Heath or one of their hired hands. Even with the slowed up walk he seemed to be so full of life; everyone was finding it hard to accept the fact he would not be with them much longer.


	9. Chapter 9

I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own. **Any songs I use in this story I got off a site that has songs that are in PUBLIC DOMAIN-Gene just gets credit for the one for the sake of the story.**

**ALWAYS IN MY HEART**

**CHAPTER NINE**

**SCENE SIXTEEN**

Audra stood in the doorway watching Gene pack a few things; the brothers were going to be heading out on the round up soon. "I wish you wouldn't go on this roundup. Nick, Heath and the others can handle it." She'd found herself wanting more and more to keep Gene in one place as if that would spare his life. She knew it wasn't the case…she just found herself wishing it was.

Gene turned away from his things and walked over to his sister and said, as he gave her a hug, "I need to. I want you to know you're the best sister a man could ask for. I'd like to do something for you before I go though; I mean, before I pass on. Is there anything you want?"

Audra felt anger rising inside of her. She didn't want anything but her brother to stay alive! For Gene's sake though she pushed it back down; there would be another time and place to deal with that issue. "Explain something to me, something that has been bothering me for some time now."

Gene's gave her a puzzled looked, "If I can. What is it?"

Audra fought to keep back the tears that wanted to come, "Why did you leave us in the first place? Why travel from place to place working various jobs? You had a good job offer right here in Stockton." He had too. The bank had wanted him to take over the manager's job when it had become vacant.

Gene let out a slow breath then shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't want to be stuck inside a building all day. I got a chance to travel, to see the world. I was younger and thought I was invincible," he took hold of her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "If it makes any difference, I never stopped thinking about, or loving, my family here."

That did it; Audra wrapped her arms around her brother and cried.

0000

Jarrod and Victoria were standing outside talking when Gene opened the door and exited the house. Concern was on both their faces. "Wish you'd change your mind about this," Jarrod spoke in 'that voice', the one he always used when playing the role of 'Pappy', "You're not that strong anymore." He hated to say those words only they were the truth. How he wished they weren't.

"Please, son," Victoria reached out and took a hold of his arm, "Listen to your brother." While she did not beg he could see her plea in her eyes.

Gene wished he could take all their pain and hurt away, but he couldn't; no one could. "Please, this is something I need to do. Let's just be grateful Amanda got through to me-and then backed it up by finding a way to help Jarrod see what was going on." He gave them the biggest hugs he'd ever given anyone and started walking away. When he stopped and turned around they thought, maybe, he'd changed his mind. He hadn't. "Do me a favor when I join father, Pappy."

Just the fact that his brother had referred to him as 'Pappy' got Jarrod's full attention. "Anything, just you name it."

"Make sure Amanda sings that song at my funeral. It's exactly how I've been feeling for months," he said as he turned around and walked towards Nick, Heath and the others.

They watched as the men rode away. "I hope he knows what he's doing." Jarrod spoke quietly wishing he'd known a way to convince Gene to stay behind, only he didn't. Once his brother had made up his mind he was just as stubborn as any of the rest of them.

"Me too." Victoria remained standing in the yard long after Jarrod had turned around and went back inside. She couldn't shake the feeling he'd be crossing over to the other side sooner than even he thought. How she hated it.

**SCENE SEVENTEEN**

Gene rode beside Nick; his brother had insisted on it. He'd told him, "_I won't stop you from comin' with us but you ain't leavin' my sight."_ Gene might have argued, but knew Jarrod had been right about one thing, he wasn't as strong as he used to be.

For whatever reason his mind had pushed the night of Nick's abduction to the forefront of his mind '_but we're just a river port' '...doesn't make a difference….they could be short of men…'_ "Thanks for bringing him back." Gene, without thinking, spoke softly.

Nick turned his head, his eyebrows turned down, "What did you say?" Was the ride getting to his brother already?

"Oh," Gene smiled, "I'm just glad you're not still out there on the sea."

Nick grinned as he chuckled, "I am too! The sailors can keep that place! I'll take good old hard ground any day of the week!"

Gene turned his attention back to the cattle. He was glad it was fall instead of the dead of summer. He was afraid if that had been the case he would have been forced to stay home. As it was he was enjoying the scenery around him without having to deal with anything more than what his body was already throwing his way.

McCall rode up to Heath. He'd been keeping an eye on Gene, they all had, and he was growing more and more concerned, "Don't ya think one of us should talk him into lettin' one us accompany him back to the ranch? He doesn't look all that great."

Heath had to fight with every fiber of his being to keep from doing just that. _'Don't argue with me goin' __with you on this last trip and I promise," Gene was talking to Heath and Nick, "I'll stay around the house the rest of my days. I__** need **__to go with you. Don't ask me to explain it 'cause I can't. Make it my last request."_ "No, he's stayin'." Heath spurred his horse forward.

**0000**

Amanda stood next to the empty corral gazing off toward the horizon. When she turned to see who it was, Jarrod walked up beside her. "I wish they'd get back too."

Amanda shook her head. She may not love Gene as some women seemed to think she should, but she still cared for him a lot. "You have great perception," she paused then added, "Thanks for not being mad at me."

Jarrod was surprised. He'd never been mad at her for anything. "What exactly have you done that I should have been mad?"

Now it was her turn to be surprised, "For keeping my mouth shut as long as I did? For not telling you he was doing the same thing Sarah's grandfather did?"

"He seriously told no one until the day he died what was going on?" Jarrod couldn't believe anyone doing that to his family.

She shook her head, "Told them he hadn't wanted them to suffer along with him. He thought it was kinder to do what he did. Good grief! He gave them no time to adjust to anything. Oh, I know they would have still grieved; still, at least they wouldn't have had the rug pulled out from under them like they did. Okay, so Gene's reasons were a tad bit better, but he was still wrong."

Jarrod smiled, "I'm just glad Gene has you for a friend."


	10. Chapter 10

* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own. **Any songs I use in this story I got off a site that has songs that are in PUBLIC DOMAIN.**

**ALWAYS IN MY HEART**

**CHAPTER TEN**

**SCENE EIGHTEEN**

Gene lay sleeping as Nick and Heath sat around the campfire talking. Due to one thing or the other the round up was taking a day longer than planned. They were glad their brother was sleeping as it gave them time to talk without having to worry about upsetting him or anything.

"I know he wanted to finish the round up," Nick threw some more wood on the fire. He did not try to keep the anger out of his voice. He was angry, not with Heath nor with Gene; he was just flat out angry at life and the cruel blow it had dealt his brother, "but one of us has to take him back. He's only growing weaker. We'll be lucky if we don't wind up on the same horse as him as it is."

Heath sighed. He knew Nick spoke the truth; he just hated the thought of what it would do to Gene. As he thought on it he sat straight up and asked, "What would that hurt?" he looked over at Gene, "I mean, we were able to bring him along in the first place because we've got plenty of help. He could ride with me; Charger can handle. We can ride in the rear."

Nick began to argue, but the thought of Gene's strong desire to finish the round up with them pressed itself upon his mind. "No," he sighed, "I'll carry him if it comes down to it."

0000

Gene sat in the saddle and leaned against Nick. It had indeed came down to 'it'. Nick had been carrying him like that for the past two days. "Guess I should have listened to Mother and Pappy only it sure felt good to be around the campfires. Sorry, if I'm a burden."

Nick fought back the tears that wanted to come. "Don't worry 'bout it," his rough voice betrayed his emotions, "We'll be home by tonight. Maybe we can build ourselves another fire and sit around singing songs; if the animals don't attack us for hurting their hearing that is."

Nick was taken aback when Gene started reciting a song he hadn't heard in ages. The one that Jarrod said Amanda had sung at the social.

"_I cannot sing the old songs, _

_I sung long years ago._

_For heart and voice would fail me_

_And foolish tears would flow;_

_For bygone hours come o'er my heart,_

_With each familiar strain._

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_Or dream those dreams again._

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_Or dream those dreams again._

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_Their charm is sad and deep,_

_Their melodies would waken,_

_Old sorrows from their sleep_

_And tho' all unforgotten still,_

_And sadly sweet they be,_

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_They are too dear to me._

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_They are too dear to me._

By the time Gene had finished the second verse Heath had ridden back and joined his brothers. When he did not continue the brothers looked down and stopped abruptly in their tracks. One word was all they said, but it could be heard all over California, "**GENE!**"

Heath did not fight the tears that came and, he noticed, neither did Nick.

**CLOSING SCENE**

The wind blew gently through the wooded area. The birds had stopped their singing as if they knew the group that had gathered was hurting. Thomas Barkley no longer lay alone. Tears streamed down Victoria's face and down the faces of the rest of her family and their friends.

With Jarrod's prodding Amanda took a step forward and began singing; when she came the third verse , the one Gene had been unable to finish, she sang louder.

_I cannot sing the old songs,_

_For visions come again,_

_Of golden dreams departed,_

_And years of weary pain,_

_Perhaps when earthly fetters shall_

_Have set my spirit free,_

_My voice may know the old songs,_

_For all eternity._

_My voice may know the old songs,_

_For all eternity."_

One by one the group dispersed until all that remained was Victoria and her family. "Come on, mother," Jarrod put his hand on his mother's shoulder, "It's time to go home."

"Take care of him, Tom. The two of you are always in my heart." Victoria whispered as she turned and followed Jarrod.

**DEDICATED TO ALL THE CHILDREN WHO HAVE DIED TOO YOUNG…INCLUDING MY DAUGHTER WHO WE LOST IN 2007. MAY SHE REST IN PEACE.**


End file.
